5 Things Lonely People Can Do To Enjoy Christmas

Hi!  I'm Jake!

December is a special time of year.  We celebrate many holidays. We reconnect with  family and friends. We go to corporate comedy shows our companies give us as a "reward" for your good service. The suicide rate in America is at its highest.  

Don't get the winter blues.  Stay happy.  Enjoy Christmas cheer. Celebrate Hanukah tradition. Sing Kwanza Christmas carols.  To keep your blues away and feel happy and gay, here are 5 things lonely people can do to enjoy Christmas!

1. Give presents. 

Feel connected to others by sharing joy. Presents for the needy. Sharing joy creates joy for yourself. Giving some thing new will put a smile on a loved one's face.  Giving something old is a great way to clean all that crap out of your apartment. Maybe more people will come to your crummy apartment if you clean up some of the clutter!

2. Give time. 

Volunteer at a soup kitchen. Serve. Do the whole "That which you do unto the least of my brethren" thing.  You will feel great. Nothing cleans the soul like reading a book to a clean old person or helping someone move to a new apartment far away from yours.  Nothing feels better than serving others- voluntarily. Forced servitude is pretty awful.  Try not to do that. If you become a captured slave, try to escape.  Get away.  Call the police.  Then go on a blood thirsty rampage to vindicate yourself.

puky the snowman

3. Bake some cookies. 

4. Build some snowmen. 

Put top hats on all the snow men hoping one of them will spring to life. As soon as one does, kill your frosty Frankenstein monster before it can ravage the town. Shovel it in the face. Melt it. Stab it repeatedly with frozen carrots. Throw burning coals in its eye holes. Kill it. Kill it. Kill it. Kill the snowman. Now you're a hero. Get your name in the paper so your dead dad will finally be proud of you. 

5. Go Christmas caroling naked. 

Go door to door caroling, singing your favorite yuletide tunes- but this time without your pants!  You get on the news! That will prove your parents wrong! You will meet a lot of people both inside and outside of jail.  Some of them will want to connect with you physically.  Maybe Santa will come down your chimney!

If all else fails and these steps don't work, just smile.  Smiling is nice.

Bye!  I'm Jake!