Pet Stains

Hi!  I'm Jake!

I'm stressed.

Ever since that long drive back from North Carolina last week, I have been exhausted, constantly on the go.  My to do list is never ending. I just can't seem to finish anything.

A bunch of things are going wrong, too.

When I'm doing road gigs, I sell shirts after my shows. I keep a bunch of those shirts in my closet here in Austin. When I got back from North Carolina, I noticed a stain on one of those shirts.  It looked like a coffee stain.  However, after smelling it, I realized it was cat pee.  Upon looking closer, I found my roommate's cat had urinated 29 of my shirts.  I had to throw those shirts out.  Arrgh!  I want to pee on that cat, see how he likes it!

My phone is on the fritz too. My HTC Thunderbolt has been overheating then spontaneously freezing.  It gets hot so it freezes.  That doesn't make any sense! My phone shuts down just when I need it most.  That may not seem like a big deal, but my phone is also my GPS.  It has been locking up right when I am supposed to get off the highway & follow nine more complicated directions- usually when I am also running late!  So, since I don't have total recall, I have to pull over and wait for it to reboot.  Great.  Thanks, HTC!  Your phone is garbage.  Whoever designed your stupid HTC Thunderbolt should get zapped by lightning.

I could go on & on about why I am stressed. I won't, though.  That's just making me more stressed. 
The point is when I got back from Houston yesterday, all I wanted to do was sit in the chair and watch some Netflix.  Unfortunately, though, after sitting there for only 5 minutes I realized my legs have a galaxy of welts!  My legs are covered in itchy, red welts. Then I saw them: fleas.  A horde of parasites scampering around their new prize! The same cat who peed on 29 of my comedy t-shirts also brought FLEAS into my house.  If you knew me 5 years ago, when I had bed bugs, then you know I deal well with bugs.  I just about lost my mind.  I didn't sleep well for a month.  My eyes sunk in to my face like quicksand.

Yesterday when I got back from Houston, I should have been sitting in the recliner eating snacks, decompressing while expanding my gut.  Instead, I was off to Home Depot to get bug bombs.  I had to listen to 3 different employees tell contradicting tales about which spray or bug bomb or carpet dirt to get.  They all seemed so confident.  Just tell me which one, guys!  I don't want a lesson.  I want the answer!

I bug bombed my apartment. When you bug bomb, you have to shelter your food. You have to hide your dishes. I had to leave for several hours.  Then when you get back, you have to vacuum the whole place.  Vacuuming helps catch any pupa hiding in your carpet. I came back around midnight.  I cleaned for an hour.  I did my laundry. You have to clean your laundry!  You can't wear poison clothes!  Finally, I went to bed at 3am, hoping to not see any more bugs.  

Today, I have seen a handful of fleas- or should I say a leg-ful?  Whatever.  The bug bombs didn't kill of them.  That's the point.  That's the point.  The point is I still have a few fleas, desperate to rebuild their colony.

I also found 4 squirming roaches.  The poison made them crawl out of hiding. By the way, down here, roaches are not a dirty apartment thing.  Roaches are just part of the Texas experience.  They are dead now.

The point is, the point is, the point is, the point is, the point is, I just want to punch the wall.

So, to wrap up this entry, I'm on edge right now.  Please don't ask me any technical questions.  Please don't tell me I owe you money.  Please don't cut me off or drive slow in the fast lane. Please, whatever happens, DO NOT let me see that crapface cat!  Simply put, just go out of your way to avoid inconveniencing me, or I will literally explode- brain and guts in the street!

Bye!  I'm Jake!

P.S. I just want to sleep.