Pig Pics 1

Hi!  I'm Jake!

I'm confused.


Pig Pics are crude.  If you keep reading this blog entry, you will see crudely drawn animals doing crudely inappropriate things.  Instead of reading this entry and viewing this garbage, go do something else.
If you disregard this warning, and then get mad at these pictures, then that is because you don't know how warnings work.  Warnings mean stay away! 
Enough oinking. Enjoy the following Pig Pics.


January 2014, while I was in Boise, headlining Liquid Laughs comedy club, I needed a legal pad. Office Depot was selling one legal pad for $3, or seven legal pads for $7! Well, duh: I bought seven for $7! After handing out a few of those legal pads to Boise comedians, I kept a couple for myself.

I began drawing pigs , snowmen, and other animals, engaging in unfortunate activities. Then, for fun, I told the comedy crowds they could buy my picture for one dollar. Believe it or not, I sold a couple pictures that week! In fact, I have sold a bunch of pictures! I don't know why. I find it hilarious that people keep buying them! Sad.

Most of the animals I have drawn are pigs. So, I refer to this series as Pig Pics. I don't have any photos of the Pig Pics I sold in Boise- and that is probably for the best! You'll just have to suffer through the crappy ones that I have captured digitally.


This first Pig Pic is a cat called Double Poopin Kitty.

When Deborah, from Sheridan, Wyoming found out I was coming to town, she browsed my website and found Double Poopin Kitty.

Double Poopin Kitty

Bonus Drawings
Upon discovering Double Poopin Kitty,  instead of finding anything else to do, Deborah ordered Double Poopin Kitty online.  She paid for postage and everything!  That's silly!  I was already coming to town.  I could have handed it to you, Deborah.  Why pay extra for the postage?  I guess people like getting mail.

When Deb ordered Double Poopin Kitty, she wrote the following shipping instructions:

Callie's and my cat, Oprah,
hanging out with a few buttholes.
Would you make the kitty striped just like my PeeWee kitty?
No. For me to paint a stripe on a cat with two buttholes is wrong!  It already has two buttholes.  Let's not complicate its life anymore than we have to by adding stripes.

Yes, I would like to make out with you.
WTF???!!!  My wife, Callie is not going to like that part! 

After about an hour, I called Callie at work and told her some Wyoming lady wanted to make out with me.  Callie said that was not ok.

Then I remembered when I put Double Poopin Kitty up for sale, I wanted the flexibility to create a different drawing in case multiple people foolishly ordered Double Poopin Kitty pics! So I wrote a fine-print disclaimer:

*If I sell this copy of Double Poopin Kitty, I will make a special one just for you.  It might be even better than the original. By the way, people never use the fine print for cool shit.  Like watch this: I just did a backflip!  Holy cheese!  Wanna make out?

Ah, ok, Deborah.  I get you now. You were doing a call-back to a joke that I made.  That is some upper-level shit.

Deb caught me off guard again.  Right before my Sheridan show, she introduced herself and handed me a document. Deb had printed the page from my website that featured Double Poopin Kitty, brought it to the show, and asked me to autographed THAT!   Because Double Poopin Kitty was still riding around in a mail truck somewhere, I autographed a printout of my poop pic!

The next day, the official Double Poopin Kitty arrived in her mailbox.  Deborah wrote this:

Let's deal with each of the highlighted areas separately:

"...even better than the original."- Deb
Actually, Deb, I mailed you the original.  But I am glad the original is better than the original.

"I'm thinking about having it framed."- Deb
If you do frame it, please take a picture and then print a copy of that!  I will autograph that print for you.

"He (PeeWee) pouted for a few days but it is over now." -Deb
Weird.  I am glad you two are close, though.

"I am sure it will be worth a thousand times more than I paid for it." -Deb
Probably not.  Thank you for the optimism though.

Including shipping, you paid two dollars.  So, even if a cat with two buttholes was worth a thousand times more than you paid for it, that would make it worth two thousand dollars- the price of a root canal- or 6.5 visits to Planned Parenthood. Sounds like a bleak future. Maybe you weren't being optimistic after all.

The next part, about how I "still have Callie and the ability to make people laugh," was really sweet, though. Thank you.

NOTE: For the record, I did not make out with Deborah.  Nor did I do a backflip. I am not capable of either of those feats.

However, the part of my disclaimer about making multiple Double Poopin Kitties came in handy.  The next night, in Gillette, Wyoming, a drunk girl bought 'Double Poopin Kitty 2!'  She paid five bucks!  She paid five bucks! Sucker.

ANOTHER NOTE: To help explain that my picture being worth $2,000 was not really that exciting, I Googled "what costs $2,000?" and I found the following item:

"Slightly used Wheelchair washing machine. Save Time and money with this machine."- Craigslist

Sounds good to me, Craigslist! I didn't even know such a thing existed! Cool!


After I performed at LMAO Comedy Club in Paris, Texas, a fan, Brandon, purchased "My Hands Are Buttholes!"
TITLE: "My Hands Are Buttholes!"
MEDIA: Sharpie on Office Depot Legal Pad
DATE: 02/21/14
Brandon holding "My Hands Are Buttholes!"

I accidentally came across one of Brandon's facebook posts and learned he is searching for a new job.  He is in between jobs and he still spent money on "My Hands Are Buttholes!"  That blows my mind!  He is either a really great fan or just really bad at budgeting.


Every Friday is Free Art Friday. It's an Instagram game where artists hide art, give clues via Instagram where people can find their art, and whoever finds it gets to have it for FREE!

I sealed Piggy McDickHands in an envelope conspicuously marked "Mystery Envelope!" and tacked  my Mystery Envelope onto Summermoon coffee shop's community cork board.  Just to make sure I properly included Piggy McDickHands in #freeartfriday and #atxfreeartfriday, I posted the following picture on Instagram TWICE!

a piece of trash on my desk, next to a crinkled candy wrapper.
Also, follow me on instagram

Besides being  FREE, Piggy McDickhands even comes with a free poem! Bonus!

you could have had a free poem!
Piggy McDickHands
By Jake Sharon

Thick Veiny Pink
Kinda makes you think
Squirting salt
to a fault
Got 2 dick hands
and they stink

Piggy McDick Hands
Piggy McDick Hands
You should see him
slap a face.

Piggy McDick Hands
Piggy McDick Hands
A hand shake
makes a bursting squirting paste!

It has been over two weeks since I stashed Piggy McDickHands at Summermoon. I haven't heard squat!

So, I went back to Summermoon to reclaim Piggy McDickHands- and it wasn't there!  Mysterious!  That truly was a Mystery Envelope!  Somebody probably threw it in the Mystery Trash where it belongs.


At Hyena's Comedy Club, in Dallas, Texas, I decided to push my limits.  I wanted to see if I could sell a pig peeing on a little girl pig. And I did!  I sold Dickhead Piggy!  I can't believe it!

After a really fun late show, as everybody was leaving, I held Dickhead Piggy up against the window- that way they could see the picture as they walked past the comedy club entrance. A couple people frowned. Most people pointed and laughed.  That was a fun game.  It was like Candid Camera but in real life!

A tiny blonde cheerleader, smashleygivens, marched over to me, bought Dickhead Piggy- and proudly shared it on Instagram. U R Jelaous.

Follow smashleygivens on Instagram. If she was cool enough to post this, she probably has a lot of other cool photos too. U R Jelaous.

Artist: Jake Sharon Title: Dickhead Piggy Date: 02/28/14 Media: Sharpie on Office Depot Legal Pad Price: SOLD for $1!


Curly-head/comedian Ryan Perrio emceed the March 1st show I did in Dallas.  So, naturally, when I crafted a curly-headed girl pig with 2 penis pigtails peeing on unhappy snowmen, I named the portrait Ryan Perrio.

ARTIST: Jake Sharon
TITLE: Ryan Perrio
DATE: 02/28/14
MEDIA: Sharpie on Office Depot legal pad
PRICE: SOLD for $10!

Holy crap!  The Ryan Perrio Pig Pic sold for $10!  Not only did somebody buy this ridiculous pig pic, but he paid ten bucks!  That may be more than the actual Ryan Perrio made  doing that show!

Just goofin, Ryan!  I just like to give my friends a little guff.

Here is the guy that paid $10 for the Ryan Perrio Pig Pic!
Pretty sure he was drunk!

NOTE: Ryan Perrio has bed bugs.


After the unbelievable success selling the Ryan Perrio Pig Pic, I basically made the exact same picture again- but did a poorer job drawing the wieners.   The right wiener looks like a shriveled string bean, or some stretched-out road tar.

A guy from the first show pointed out the Ryan Perrio Pig Pic looked a little like Star Wars's Princess Leia.  So, I called this Pig Pic, "Pigcess Leia."  

ARTIST: Jake Sharon
TITLE: Pigcess Leia
DATE: 03/1/14
MEDIA: Sharpie on Office Depot legal pad
PRICE: SOLD for $1!
Also, I wrote some dumb text.   I labeled one wiener "The Force." I labeled the under part of other wiener "The Dark Side." Then I realized my bad handwriting made "The Dark Side" kind of look like "The Dork Side."  That is actually more clever, so that is what I am telling people I wrote.

The proud owner of Pigcess Leia.
I just now realized his girlfriend is flipping me off.
Seriously!  I just now realized that the old lady is flipping me off!  You goofball!


A Dallas Hyena's Comedy Club manager, Patricia, told me she didn't know how realistic my pigs are, but she has seen a lot of dicks and the Pig Pics dicks are not accurate!  You are correct, Patricia.

Here is what Patricia wrote on twitter:

Oh yeah: for some reason, I recorded this conversation! Apparently my "voicebox," aka my voice recorder, contains a recording of Patricia talking about how she has seen a lot of dicks.  Wow!  That is some cool evidence!  Hit me up if you want a copy of that recording.

Also, for a fun night in Dallas, go to a show at Hyena's and say hi to Patricia!  She has seen more dicks than pigs!

Just fooling, Patricia! As I mentioned earlier, I just like to give my pals a little guff. That seems to happen a lot in Dallas.  Lots of guff-giving in Dallas! I've seen more guff than dicks. #prettyaccurate.


On Sunday, I got back from Dallas at 5:00 a.m. I slept for 3 hours.  Then I got back in the car. My wife and I drove to a town just outside Houston.  While it poured on us monsoon style, Callie, some friends, and I shot shotguns in a wet field.  Then I turned back around and did an open mic at Cap City Comedy Club in Austin.

Due to The Oscars, and the frigid 52˚ weather,  there were only 12 civilians in the audience.  For only 12 civilians, though, that audience was great! However, when there are only 12 people in the audience, the odds of anybody being silly enough to purchase a Pig Pic is pretty low.  Especially the Pig Pic I named after the open mic's host, TV's Ryan Cownie.

Artist: Jake Sharon Title: Ryan Cownie Date: 03/2/14 Media: Sharpie on Office Depot Legal Pad Price: SOLD for $1!
The Ryan Cownie Pig Pic is pretty amazing.  In front, you have a half snowman, half pig, or a snowpig. Notice how two giant snowballs form the base of the snowpig?  That's actually typical. If you know anything about snowpigs, you know that's just the way they roll.

The snowpig looks surprised. He does not look comfortable with the fact that right behind him is a regular old snowman ramming his carrot wiener into Snowpig's bum bum.

The penetrating snowman is gritting his teeth.  That would make sense for a normal human being in this scenario. However, being as snowmen don't have actual teeth, that facet renders this entire scenario implausible.  This is just ridiculous!

The Ryan Cownie Pig Pic is unrealistic, and frankly quite immature.  So, it is nothing like comedian  Ryan Cownie!

To think, the same day I made this pig pic, I had already driven over 500 miles and fired off 30 rounds of 12 gauge!  The fact that I still had all this talent to do a show and draw the Ryan Cownie Pig Pic means I must be a genius.  

I'm hungry now.
Thumbs up!
Up Snowpig's butt!


this is a picture of a pig.
but it is not a pig pic.
this is a pig painting i gave to a friend before she left town.
she probably threw it away a long time ago.

So far, I have made $27 off my Pig Pics.  The legal pads cost me $7.  So if I retired from making Pig Pics today, I would be up $20!  One guy bought a Pig Pic for $10!  What is wrong with you?  I mean, thank you! 

If you are silly enough to buy a Pig Pic, feel free to instagram or facebook me a picture of the pig pic you bought from me. I will add a link to your instagram or facebook picture in my next Pig Pic blog entry. 

Also, if you order a Pig Pic and I send you a cow or a butt-fudging snowman, please don't get mad.  I draw all kinds of dumb pictures and call them Pig Pics.  That is for your enjoyment.  If you don't like that, please send me a picture of your mom. I will draw her portrait and include that in my next Pig Pics gallery.

Bye!  I'm Jake!