Hi! I'm Jake!
NEGATIVE:
My right knee hurts real bad every time I use it! Did somebody run it over with their monster truck? My sources say yes. My internal wound feels like a chipped bone fragment or a torn muscle or a ripped ACLU. I think it is going to be super-expensive to fix it, probably thousands of dollars. Being as I am $20,000 in debt, I probably can't afford that. Looks like I will just have to suffer every day for the rest of my life.
POSITIVE:
I am supposed to go to a wedding with my fiancé tomorrow. Now I don't have to dance with her!
Also, if my leg does end up getting amputated, I can get Social Security Income and/or disability pay! Yay! I don't have to work anymore!
Lastly, I saw a guy with 2 amputated legs in the Olympics. So, I could be an athlete- finally! I can picture the headlines now: "Robot Jake Athlete Wins Athletic Stuff In Olympics; Free Sex For Jake!" Thanks, bum leg!
CONCLUSION:
I am sure glad my knee feels bad. Please hurt somebody else's knee so they can experience my joy too.
Also, please check out this week's The Battery Podcast, Episode 41, "Pat Wheeler- Interview with a Future Mother-In-Law." Here's a link: http://jakeisfantastic.com/thebattery.html .
Bye! I'm Jake
