Happy November! I have been married for a month! That's why I haven't been writing much. It's hard to write when you're doing it all the time. Don't be jealous. That's not sexy.
POSITIVE:
Today, I bought my wife Gerbera daisies, her favorite flowers! She gave me a big hug! She was so happy! I can probably screw up a couple major things today- and she won't get super mad because I gave her flowers! I can literally rub her nose in that!
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| Here are some Gerbera Daisies! Wives like flowers more than paedos like the kiddies! |
Wife: "Jake, I'm really getting mad. You're acting like a real j-"
Me: "Here, wifey! Smell these!"
Wife: "Huh. What was I saying? Oh yeah: You're acting like a real gentleman."
Me: "Why thanks! Now get back in the kitchen and make me some cookies!"
Wife: "Jake, I'm really getting mad. You're acting like a real j-"
Me: "Here, wifey! Smell these!"
NEGATIVE:
Flowers are pretty dumb. They are just dead plants that cost a lot of money. Instead of buying food, I bought dead, inedible plants. How irresponsible! Kind of a girlish move if you ask me.
Plus, bees love flowers! I bought my wife something that attracts bees! She's going to be super excited when she gets multiple sting wounds to the face! Flowers are stupid!
CONCLUSION:
Buying my wife flowers is smart because it makes my wife happy. However, it's dumb because flowers are dumb.
By the way, make sure to check out this week's episode of The Battery Podcast. I interviewed comedian Curt Fletcher about growing up in a super-white Iowa town. There was only one black dude! Plus, his niece might be a racist cokehead! Check out "Curt Fletcher 1: Curt with an N!" Here's a link: jakeisfantastic.com/thebattery.html
Bye! I'm Jake!
