I just can't help being rude to you.

Hi!  I'm Jake!

Ever have one of those days where you just can't help being rude to everybody?
Jake Sharon in 2008
Photo By Crystal Allen

When I haven't eaten, I get cranky.  When I wake up for no good reason, I get cranky. When I am over-caffeinated, I start manic but then I get cranky. When I am in a hurry, I am driving, and my left contact is dirty so it hurts my eye- and I accidentally miss my turn so I suddenly get lost but you start asking me questions about whether we should eat tacos or just eat that leftover tuna- then, YEAH: I'M GOING TO BITE YOUR MOTHERTRUCKING HEAD OFF!

There are times when it is best just to lay off and let me be.  I can be rude, sarcastic, aggressive, hostile, and most likely curt- not Curt Fletcher, the funny comedian, just curt.  I put my need to survive over your need for me to be pleasant.

Then I feel bad about all this later.

Though my rudeness might hurt your feelings, we were wired this way on purpose.  It's just basic biology.  Back when we were cavemen, if we got tired enough, or hungry enough, we'd turn in to mean mammer-jammers and fuck a cougar up!  Then we'd have food.  We'd kick an antelope out of its cave and we'd have a place to sleep. Why do you think antelopes don't live in caves anymore?  Because I said so.  That's why. Those are our caves now.

Our low blood sugar turned us into aggressive, bloodthirsty animals- and that was precisely what we needed to survive.  We'd bring home food and antelope pelts and our people would actually be proud of us.

Jake Sharon at the top of Longs Peak in 2009
One day, when our civilization crumbles, we have to hunt and gather again, and we're reduced to animals, you'll thank me for freaking out on some wildebeest.

Till then, maybe just don't ask me a bunch of technical or inane questions when I'm hungry, lost, tired, or in a hurry.  If I say something bad at that point, well, you kind of asked for it. Rawr!

Bye!  I'm Jake!

P.S. Check out this week's The Battery Podcast episodes, w/ Sunshiny Friends, Ryan Cownie and Ben Kronberg. Man, I have good guests!

  • Episode 83: Ben Kronberg 2: Social Networking Anguish
  • Episode 82: Ryan Cownie 1: Manly Nanny