NO TV Day 9: Better Sleep

Hi!  I'm Jake!

Callie and I are
not this cheery in the morning!
So, we have gone nine days without TV.  What an accomplishment. Put us in the Guinness Book of World Records!

Last year, my wife and I watched all 264 Frasier episodes.  What an accomplishment. Put us in the Guinness Book of World Records!

We mainly watched Frasier as we were going to sleep.  We streamed Netflix from my phone.  My wife would cuddle up next to me.  She'd fall asleep, sleep-talking about the upcoming kitty apocalypse.

The cuddling was great- until 2:00 in the morning when I realized we were still cuddling.  We were both scrunched into 1/4 of our bed.  Plus, the cat sleeps at our feet.  So that means that 1/4 of the bed turns into like 1/6 of the bed!  And I'm right on the edge, falling off the side!  That wouldn't be good because then Callie would yell at me for waking her up!

Frasier, directed by Roman Polanski
Plus, I was in pain:  All my limbs were asleep because of the weird way I was contorted.  The next day, I would awake tired, with cranky limbs and a major neck pain.  That meant I had to take several aspirins and liberally apply some Icy Hot.  It was like sleeping on a couch- which is weird, because Frasier is a psychiatrist.  I would have actually slept better on Frasier's couch than in my comfy bed watching Frasier talk to people on his couch!

Cuddling was affecting my motor skills too. In the morning, because my feet and arms were asleep, I was straggling around like one of those SLOW zombies, banging into stuff, tripping over my wife's clothes pile and that suitcase that we never seemed to put away.  It was awful.

Every morning was me stumbling around to get pills, then greasing up my neck like an old man.  If somebody ever wrote a theme song to our mornings, there would be a lot of tuba.  If that sweet sound of the flute showed up, Tuba Guy would punch Flute Guy in the face!

Anyway, since we aren't watching TV as we fall asleep, I am getting better sleep now.  I wake up fairly refreshed.  My neck doesn't hurt.  My limbs are ok.  We finally put that suitcase away. I guess I am still cranky in the morning, though.

Bye!  I'm Jake!

P.S. I am an Austin comedian.  I put that part in there to help the Google search results.  Jake Sharon, Austin comedian.