Crap. I am about to have an awful consequence for all the times I have cussed.
I am trying not to use swear words. As a stand-up comedian who has also had extensive customer service experience, I have used more swear words than most people. Most customers are good people who know how to politely get what they want. Some people are trash- like Donald Trump, but poor. They make you want to speak only in grunts and profanities. They should be called Cusstomers. Hey-o!
I am trying to improve myself. I am keeping Since August 7, 2016, I have used apps made by IFTTT to keep track of the times I have cussed. Every time the number of times I have cussed reaches the next 100, something bad happens.
NUMEROUSUsing IFTTT's Numerous app, I created a number called Jake Sharon Cuss Meter that shows how many times I have cussed since 8/7/15. Here is a link to the Jake Sharon Cuss Meter.
DO ButtonIFTTT's Do Button allows me to tap on a button on either my iPhone or Apple Watch every time I cuss. This updates the Jake Sharon Cuss Meter number in the Numerous app. I cuss. I press a button. The number goes up.
IFLastly, I use IFTTT's IF app to make consequences. every time the Jake Sharon Cuss Meter hits 100 curses, the IF app posts an update to my facebook. On October 24, 2015, the Jake Sharon Cuss Meter reached 100. So the IF app automatically posted the following status update:
The link in the status update re-directed to my generic apology that I keep on my website for when I do uncool things. It was a silly way to apologize. Then one of my friends commented with a picture of pig balls.
The problem is the Jake Sharon cuss meter is about to hit 200 cusses. The Jake Sharon Cuss Meter is at 196 cusses. This time, my facebook update is not going to be a cute picture of Oprah at my house. IF the cuss meter hits 200, it is going to be embarrassing for me. It is going to suck. So I have been really careful not to cuss on stage, cuss in traffic, or cuss with my wife. Please. do not make me cuss four more times. Because I will regret it.
|To keep up to date with the Jake Sharon Cuss Meter,click here. |
You can also follow this number on the Numerous App.