Comedy Works New Faces Contest 2010: The Final Round (re-edited so as not to make a person mad)

9/22/10, Wednesday, 11:02 pm Mountain Standard Time, Denver, CO

Hi! I'm Jake!
Tonight, I went to the 2010 Comedy Works New Faces Contest in Denver, Colorado. It was a glorious night!

The contest started at 8:00 p.m. I missed the first half of the contest because I did a set at the other Comedy Works, Comedy Works South, located in the Landmark Center in Greenwood Village.

The Comedy Works South show started at 7:30. I did a 5-minute set. I am trying to get ready for some comedy festivals I am doing later this year and I need a submission tape for some other projects.

Steve Gastineau and Bryan Kellen were also on the show. It was good to see them again. Clinton Jackson headlined. The club requested we perform clean comedy because Clinton is a clean comedian. No problem. That worked perfectly with my agenda. I am planning something mysterious.

NOTE: some of the following names have been changed because one of my friends got real mad.

I drove home. I got there at 8:20. I was already 20 minutes late to the contest. My roommate, Bert Catcher was at home. I asked him if he wanted to go to the contest. We left at 8:28. It took us 8 minutes to get to the free parking lot on Wewatta and 15th Street, then another 8 minutes to walk to Comedy Works from there. Overall, it took 16 minutes to walk and drive. We could have walked straight from my house to Comedy Works in the same amount of time.

On the way into the showroom, I talked to Julie Firstplace. I apologized to her because on Monday, she showed up at the contest I am producing, The Nobody Likes Me Comedy Contest and I didn't let her perform. She had forgotten her entry fee. Rules are rules, but I felt bad. Tonight, she said it was cool and that we were good. By the way, Julie Firstplace has a dark secret that I can't tell you about.

UPDATE ON 9.23.10: I wrote the previous sentence as a joke (like many of the sentences in this blog). Julie Firstplace called me and angrily said she does not have a dark secret. Then she hung up on me. I have never seen her get mad before. To me, that indicates that she truly does not have a dark secret. Sorry everybody. Julie Firstplace does not have a dark secret. Sorry to let you all down.

Back to the blog.

Because I missed the first half of the show, I missed the following comedians: Sam Skills, Nathan Grund, Vincent Montoya, and my former roommate, Eli Cottonsey. I am sure they all had good sets. Then again, you never know. Contests have a way of screwing things up for people- like unexpected babies. At least you can put a baby up for adoption. Once you fail in a contest, though, your moment is gone forever. That's that.

I came in about 90% of the way through Kris Sharpeemarker's set. I didn't see any of it though. There weren't any seats. The house was packed. There was standing room backstage. It sounded like he was either doing physical comedy or telling jokes. Good news: when kris's set was done, people were clapping.

Then, Trent the Decent went on. I didn't see his set. I was backstage. I believe he made some fat jokes and/or pot jokes. He is less fat than he used to be, but he is still fat. He also knows about pot. I had recently recorded his semi-final set but I had camera problems. He had texted me about that earlier in the day.

Robby Stork went on next. I didn't see his set. I was backstage. Before his set, he was doing stretches. I think maybe his muscles were tight. I hope the stretching helped. During his set, he talked about cheese. He talked about pee too. People clapped for that. They must like pee. He went over his time so they turned off the mic. That's what I hear anyway. I was back by the bar talking to Nathan Grund's girlfriend, Viola Black. She plays the guitar and sings. One time, I almost hit on her. Then I found out she was Nathan's girlfriend. Tonight, Viola told me I look different. I think she was referring to my haircut. I think my haircut looks pretty good- even though I did it myself.

Melanie Ice was standing next to me while I was writing some of these notes down. I didn't see her set. She wasn't a finalist. She also didn't move on in my contest, The Nobody Likes Me Comedy Contest, 2 nights prior. Here's a link to that: Click Here.

Then, Chad Neidt went on. I didn't see his set. I bet a lot of people have trouble spelling his name. I know I don't.

The emcee was Priest Offwhite, who headlined my comedy show, The Nobody Likes Me Comedy Contest, 2 nights prior. I didn't see his set.

The headliner was Glen Goy. I didn't see his set. I bet it was good. He has a lot of tattoos. At one point, he had an illegitimate baby, but now he's married so it is okay. His wife does my photography. If you need photos, check out her website. it's I used to play Risk at Glen and Kristin's place.

During Glen Goy's set, I was back by the bar again. Julie Firstplace kicked me in the butt. Maybe everything isn't okay- despite what she previously stated. Then she touched my arm as she walked by. Julie Firstplace is really touchy-feely sometimes. Ask anybody. Also, I shook Brody Nickelman's hand- even though he is gay. I didn't see his set. He wasn't in the finals either.

I noticed that everybody on the show was a white male. Overall, it was a good show.

On my way home, an Asian man asked me to take his picture in front of the big blue bear (2 stories tall) in front of the Convention Center. I did. He said he was from Chicago. I told him about the time I went there and got my picture taken in front of the big shiny bean. He said I must have been in Millennium Park. The first time he said Millennium Park, I didn't understand him though. His Asian accent was thick.

Oh yeah: Robby Stork won.

Bye! I'm Jake!

P.S. My roommate just pointed out Vincent Montoya isn't white. He's a cop though, so... close enough.

P.P.S. There! Are you happy?