POSITIVE:
Celery is nutritious. It has no carbs. In fact, eating celery burns calories. Celery also has a bunch of fiber- so if you are constipated, eat celery and blast your troubles out your grunter!
Celery can be delicious. Ever since I was a small, poor child, one of my top 52 snacks is crunchy peanut butter spread across a celery stalk. I recently found pimento cheese pairs well with celery as well.
Celery is crisp. Yep. It's crisp. I like that.
NEGATIVE:
If you run out of peanut butter or pimento cheese to spread on your celery stalk, you're left with a "vegetable" that is less flavorful than paper!
I bought some celery two days ago. After sitting in the refrigerator for only two days, my celery is floppy, sloppy, and limp. It's limper than a wet noodle- or a baby leg with no bones! Come on, celery! Here I am telling people how delicious and crisp you are AND YOU'RE NOT CRISP OR DELICIOUS! You're making me look like a liar!
Don't tell people how crisp it is because you'll soon be a liar. Don't eat liar foods! That's worse than eating unhealthy foods. The 10 Commandments don't say anything about eating unhealthy food, but they do say "Thou Shall Not Lie."
Lastly, it's a celery "stalk." If you ad an "ing" to that "stalk," you have "stalking." You have a crime.
CONCLUSION(S):
Celery is garbage. Feed it to the homeless.
Bye! I'm Jake!
