I am super clumsy. This entry is a positive/ negative scenario about an incident that happened because of that.
NEGATIVE:
I am so clumsy! Back in September, I accidentally dropped a shaving cream can on my big toe. It hurt like a sone of a crap! I instantly spouted a geyser of sailor-friendly profanities.
Then I noticed my toe. The impact made an instant blood blister under my toenail! It's real sexy. I have had that same blood blister ever since! It moves about a centimeter every leap year or so. After over 4 months, my toenail has finally dragged the blood blister to the tip of my toe. My guess is I'll have a teenager before I am completely rid of it!
Also, as the blood blister begins to emerge from under my stinky toenail, little 4-month old blood crumbs will leave a "This is where Jake has been" trail. Just follow my blood dust! It's kind of hard to escape a bloodhound-equipped mob when you're leaving stinky DNA all over the place!
POSITIVE:
Instead of spending all that time painting their toe nails all the time, women could just make a huge, red blood-blister under their toenail. It will stay red for years! Once every few years, just drop another toiletry can on your foot and you're good to go!
A big nasty blood blister totally distracts you from the fact that my feet are already pretty gross! Thanks, distraction! By comparison, the rest of my hairy toes look okay!
Oh yeah! Here is a weird positive, ladies! This nasty toe is yet another excuse for me not to wear these 1960 toe-less pumps that I don't own!
CONCLUSION:
I don't have any real deep thoughts here except "Holy Crap! Look at the size of that blood blister! Try imagining it in this 1960 pump!"
Bye! I'm Jake!
