I have decided to phase out my Facebook account. I will eventually unfriend every Facebook friend and close my account. You can read about why I am doing that here. This entry is about who I am choosing to delete now and how I am choosing them/ you before other people.
WHY I AM PHASING OUT MY ACCOUNT INSTEAD OF JUST DELETING IT
I didn't want to just delete my Facebook account all of a sudden. Reasons include:- I am too dramatic to just go away quietly. I like to draw things out.
- Plus, what if I changed my mind?
- Also, I feel like I owe most people an explanation why we aren't online friends anymore. I should especially tell my actual friends.
- Lastly, I wanted to give people a way to say one final thing back to me. Perhaps we could exchange contact info or something.
WHO I UNFRIEND
I have a method for deleting facebook friends. Some people are chosen at random. Some people are targeted. Here are the two types of people I unfriend.
PEOPLE I SIMPLY GHOST:
I have a category of people I just unfriend. No message. No explanation. I Facebook graph search you then I unfriend you. I do not plan to we see each other again in real life so it is easy to let you go online. Easy come, easy go.
- If you are random person and I am not actual, real life friends with you? Best wishes. Take Care. Con respeto, vete!
- If you regularly post intentionally divisive messages, intentionally divisive baby pictures or both? Get. Get outta here, son!
- If you're a meanie? Fare thee well. Your presence is not required.
- If you're an Elf on the Shelf? Wriggedy wreck yo self, get yoself some welf. Dollars.
ACTUAL FRIENDS:
Some of you have gotten videos. I shot a video that included a personalized message directed specifically to you. I even wrote you a haiku. I edited the video in the Apple Clips app then uploaded it to Youtube as an unlisted video. I sent you a link.
However, I stopped sending videos because it was taking too much time- like 10 minutes or more! So I started writing little personalized Facebook messages and then sending you a link to why I am unfriending you. I can do that super quick- but it still shows I care.
However, I stopped sending videos because it was taking too much time- like 10 minutes or more! So I started writing little personalized Facebook messages and then sending you a link to why I am unfriending you. I can do that super quick- but it still shows I care.
WHO I DON'T UNFRIEND YET
There are a few people I am kind of dragging my feet with unfriending:
- I am waiting to delete all my family members. They're family!
- People who live in Greenville South Carolina still have a little time left. I am still kind of getting to know people here.
- Some super-close friends will get deleted later. I haven't decided if I will make them a video.
- People who have just friended me on Facebook. I feel like it might be weird to accept their request and immediately delete them. Actually, never mind: I am going to start doing that. All new people who friend me will immediately get the pink slip.
HOW I CHOOSE WHICH ACTUAL FRIENDS TO UNFRIEND ON ANY GIVEN DAY
I am at the point now where most of my random friends and people I actively don't care about have been unfriended.
So, now, whenever I unfriend somebody, I am spending way too much time thinking about who is next. I start thinking about well, what if this person sees I am still friends with this other person blah blah blah. I am getting too attached. I am getting lost. I am losing conviction. I certainly don't want to start adding people back on Facebook.
No, I need to be methodical like a serial killer or an accountant.
THE DICE METHOD FOR UNFRIENDING FACEBOOK FRIENDS
I thought about getting 26-sided Alphabetic dice. I could use the dice to randomly generate the first letter of the first name and the first letter of the second name. Then I would delete all the people that fit that had those letters in their name. But Alphabet dice cost $17 and they wouldn't arrive for a few days. When it comes to ADHD, waiting for things is a big deterrent.
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| These Alphabet dice cost $17. I didn't want to wait for them to arrive. I can pick letters out of a hat for free, I will delete you on Facebook really soon. |
THE FREE METHOD FOR UNFRIENDING FACEBOOK FRIENDS
Fortunately, when I Googled Random Letter Generator, I found a site that has a random letter generator.
So, every day, I generate the two random letters. Then I unfriend a bunch people whose names start with those letters. Soon, it will be your big day!
CONCLUSION
One day soon, we won't be Facebook friends. Or, maybe it is already too late.
As of this message, I am down to 1922 friends. Please feel free to unfriend me. If you are my actual friend, please try to hit me up in real life.
As of this message, I am down to 1922 friends. Please feel free to unfriend me. If you are my actual friend, please try to hit me up in real life.
Bye! I'm Jake!
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| jakeisfantastic.com #facebookfarewells |
